


The Box

by Ms31x129



Series: Tumblr XF Asks, Battles, Drabbles, Prompts etc. [4]
Category: The X-Files
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Post-Episode: s10e04 Home Again, The X-Files Revival
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-07-15
Updated: 2019-07-15
Packaged: 2020-06-29 02:36:03
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 1,589
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19820788
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ms31x129/pseuds/Ms31x129
Summary: Margaret Scully gives her daughter a box and it's contents could change her life.





	1. A Mother's Mediation

**Author's Note:**

> Prompt 29A - "I'm Sorry." Written for season4mulder. No beta was used in this drabble.

[](https://www.flickr.com/photos/164474329@N02/49711436153/in/dateposted/)

The day after Dana Scully walked away from clearing out her mother’s house and completing all the legal procedures involved with an estate - she finally opened the box her mother had given her three months before she died.

It was a simple shoe box, well handled like it had been opened and shut thousands of times she recognized Mulder’s writing on the top.

**Scully.**

Why did her mother have it? What was inside? She longed to open it, but their separation was still too raw. She’d made a new life for herself, but when her mother died he’d been by her side. No questions, no expectations - a solid presence in her grief, he already knew what it meant to lose a parent, to lose a sister … to lose a child. She’d leaned on him and there were nights he held her without question, his arms around her asking nothing in return. A comfort she took for granted - it was Mulder.

The box was taped quite neatly- surprising her, knowing he paid for gifts to be wrapped rather than attempting the task himself. When she slit the tape and pulled the lid off she knew why. There was an envelope on top with Dana in her mother’s elegant hand, beneath it was a sheet or two folded lined paper and tissue paper like a gift she couldn’t see what was beneath. She opened the envelope and read.

_Dana,_

_When a mother has children one of her hopes is to guide them along the journey of life. Knowing there will be triumph as well as failures, but sometimes I think I failed all four of my children in this. Especially you, Dana. I love you my baby girl - I don’t ever want you to forget that. Perhaps you’ll be angry with me and you will tell me so the next time we have lunch after reading this letter._

Scully stopped reading and wiped her tears. Oh Mom. She wished she had the courage to open the box sooner.

_I never understood many of your choices, but especially giving my grandson away. I know it was difficult, I know I could never have done the same. Now I wonder about this choice is it truly what you wanted - leaving Fox - you don’t seem happy or fulfilled my darling girl and you won’t open up to me about it. Neither would Fox. You didn’t know we spoke did you? I never told you._

_He brought this box to me and asked me to give it to you, his eyes were so sad and lost Dana. I feared for him when he said goodbye and kissed me on the cheek._

_He said, “Mrs. Scully … I - sometimes - I wish my mother had been more like you. Thank you for everything.”_

_I sat the box on my dining room table and I stared at it for hours - no days, like a snake about to strike. Fox never answered another call when I tried to reach him. I confess to you now Dana I opened the box and I’m not sorry for doing it._

_**I’m sorry for not doing it sooner.** _

The end


	2. What's in the Box?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Scully discovers the contents of the box.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I guess I left a huge gaping hole per Tumblr Prompt 29A - "I'm Sorry."  
> Per request here it is Chapter 2 the answer to the question. "What's in the Box?"

[](https://www.flickr.com/photos/164474329@N02/49712298317/in/dateposted/)

Scully gently placed the note from her mother to the side of the box. It ended with a simple request.

_Please forgive me. I love you Dana, Mom_

A deep breath and Scully unfolded Mulder’s letter. Seeing his beloved scrawl, made her heart lurch with skipped beats. She closed her eyes, opened them and read his words.

~~Scully~~ ~~Dana~~ **_Scully_** ,

_That’s who you are to me Dana belongs to everyone else - Scully belonged or I believed belonged to me. My thoughts are by no means linear as you can see if you’re reading this. I’ve squeezed words, lines I may have not said, did not say to you. Did I want to? Perhaps - would I, if I had it to do over? I don’t know. Would I do it now if you were standing here in front of me…? Will I ever get that chance?_

_I wanted to make a list of all the times I said I’m sorry to you. There aren’t as many as I thought, most of them remained in my head never forming, never verbalized. But I remember every one. I told you I’m sorry when your father died, when your sister died, your dog … Penny Northern - but you were all I could think about when I went into that room and the bed was empty._

_I told you I’m sorry when I left you behind and followed the alien bounty hunter to Alaska, I’m alive because of you. I told you I’m sorry when I called you over and over when it ended up being cockroaches. I’m sorry I didn’t ask more, insist more when you were battling cancer, but after awhile what’s the use when all I got was **I’m fucking fine,** **Mulder.**_

_I was in love with you then. I’d been in love with you for awhile. I don’t know if you were in love with me. I wanted to believe that it was true. Did I delude myself? Even now did you just settle for me, did working with me make you think you had no other choice? Am I a blind fool?_

_I often wonder if I hadn’t come to you that night, I apologized for waking you, so beautiful in your blue satin pajamas - if I hadn’t come to you that night. Would I ever have tried to kiss you in my hallway? Would the events after happened?_

_Why was I always chasing you Scully? And pushing you away at the same time?_

_I’m sorry for so much and I intended to write every one of them down… I’m sorry for being dismissive of your feelings about Diana - she was nothing but an echo of my past. I swear to you._

_I’m sorry I told you I loved you. I shouldn’t have, you didn’t believe me or didn’t want to. Did you ever? I’m sorry for not being there when you gave birth to our son, or when you made the decision to give him up. I’m sorry for hating you for doing that._

_**Sometimes I’m sorry I love you. It hurts, Scully. It hurts.** _

_I’m sorry for hating you for leaving me - and then I’m sorry for those thoughts. I’m sorry for not doing it, I’m sorry for not writing down all the I’m sorry’s. I couldn’t - can’t do it. It’s not what my hand did, it’s not what the ink formed as it flowed from my pen._

_It started with a jar, I put my scraps of paper in a jar hidden high, way in the back of my kitchen cupboard. Kept from your view, your reach, but not far from mine. At some point the jar became to small and those scraps found a home in this shoebox._

_I’m giving this box to your mother. I want you back in my life Scully, but you have to want it to. No more running for either of us. If you don’t contact me to talk. I guess there’s no hope and I’ll have my answer._

_**Scully, I can’t write I’m sorry anymore.** _

_**Because in the end I’m not sorry, I love you and I need you. Mulder** _

Tears ran down Scully’s cheeks, her breathing labored, her body shaking as she held Mulder’s note to her chest over her heart. Her mother was right, she wasn’t happy or fulfilled, leaving Mulder hadn’t solved anything. She was alone, he was alone.

She finally placed Mulder’s letter on top of her mother’s and peeled back the tissue paper. Folded scraps of paper, hundreds rested within. Scully picked up one and opened it, then another and another they were all dated - 3/13/1995, 7/28/1997, 1/1/2011 - all with the same three words. **_I Love You._**

*****

Her key worked, he wouldn’t change it she knew, in the hopes she’d walk through the door once again. And she was - it was late the box held in her hands, Mulder sat on the couch, the light from the TV illuminated him with flickering shadows. “Scully? What’s wrong?“

She shook her head and immediately went into his arms, the box falling, the paper I Love You’s scattering like falling leaves. Scully pulled Mulder down for a deep kiss her hands roved over him and he reciprocated more hesitantly than she wanted.

She took a step back, “I love you Mulder. I need you to know that. I want another chance.. for us. Do you think we can do that?”

Mulder smiled and kissed her softly, “I’d like that Scully. We need to go slow, we need to do it right. Would you like to go out with me? Dinner? How about tonight?”

Scully smiled, a small laugh escaped as she pulled Mulder by the hands, backing up toward the stairs. “It’s a date. But now I want something else…” Her eyes roved slowly down his body and her smile widened. “And I think you do too.”

Scully bent down, grabbed a single scrap of paper and held it in front of Mulder’s eyes. “I want you to tell me about this date. I know you remember and I want you to describe it to me… After - only after I’m lying boneless in your arms. Take me to bed, Mulder.”

Long after making love Mulder and Scully each gave a silent thanks to Margaret Scully, whose gentle interference gave them the little push they needed to reconnect.


End file.
